Unfortunately, someone will always have a bad or lousy boss. We all know one or know someone who has experienced working with one. I'm pleased to hear about bad bosses only occasionally in my work. This is reassuring because most managers take their roles and responsibilities seriously. The business world is in good hands with these people.
However, life can be unbearable when someone has a bad boss, with lasting effects that can linger for years. Did you know that 57 per cent of employees have left a job because of their manager? Employees don't leave companies; they leave their managers (Source: DDI).
Most people don't go to work for fun, but if you spend 1/3 of your life at work, you want to enjoy it, not dread it. Otherwise, work becomes cumbersome and leads to soul-destroying mental moments.
How Should You Handle A Bad Boss?
There are three things you can do if you have a bad boss:
✳️Don't Personalise Anything ✳️Be Professional at all times ✳️Seek Support
Don't Personalise Anything
Be clear and assertive when communicating with a boss you don't like or a difficult colleague. Avoid being aggressive or passive; use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs. Listen actively to their responses, and try to find a compromise or solution that works for both of you.
Be Professional
When dealing with a demanding boss, remain professional and avoid getting defensive or emotional. Avoid tit-for-tat because it will get you nowhere and may exacerbate the situation. Keep your tone respectful and focus on the facts rather than personal opinions or feelings.
Try to look at things from their perspective. What are their motivations and concerns? What are their communication styles and preferences? Understanding their perspective allows you to tailor your approach and find common ground.
Above all, avoid gossiping. It isn't pleasant in any shape or form, and you might be adding 'fuel to the fire' instead of containing the smoke. Focus on your goals and objectives, and you'll feel better. Conserve your energy and engage in well-being practices as you deal with your challenges.
Seek Support
Don't hesitate to seek Support from colleagues, mentors, or HR professionals if the situation becomes too difficult to manage independently. They may provide valuable insights, advice, or Support to help you navigate the situation.
Keep a journal to process your thoughts and feelings. Journaling will help you process and lead to clarity. Also, record all communication and interactions with a demanding boss. This can be helpful if the situation escalates or you need to provide evidence of your actions or behaviour.
Imagine the Following
James came from a military background and created a new career for himself in the IT industry in London. As Head of Department, he managed a team of 30 people. He had high expectations of himself and demanded the same of his new team. High expectations were the norm in the military. However, it led to grumblings within the ranks because his new team wasn't used to such a demanding leader.
James meant well but had a habit of ruffling feathers. He had an intimidating aura, and people felt scared of him. He would creep up behind people and ask what they'd been working on, which freaked out many team members, especially the women.
Sometimes, James forgot where he was and applied his military-style questioning. His staff felt he wasn't approachable because he'd ask a barrage of questions directly, which often felt like a grilling. Oliver struggled with James from the outset because they had different working methods.
With James, it was his way or the highway. Oliver found this out to his detriment after his first meeting. He tended to make things difficult if you didn't do what James wanted. Oliver wasn't one of his favourites, either. In meetings, James would regularly shoot down Oliver's ideas or pick holes in his plans. Oliver took it the wrong way and believed he was being targeted unfairly.
James had his 'yes people' who were compliant and good at executing his orders/ideas. To keep the yes brigade happy, James would award them higher pay raises, and they'd get to work on exciting projects.
Over time, Oliver began to feel sad with work, quickly lost motivation, and was fed up with a stagnant career. Oliver wanted to raise the issue with HR but knew it was futile because James had a great relationship with the HR team. Oliver didn't know where to turn or who he could trust.
What Happened To Oliver?
Oliver decided to put into practice some of the tips in the article. Even though things were different in the workplace, it gave Oliver hope that he could control more than he thought. It started with his thoughts and attitude. Instead of always being defensive, Oliver chooses to remain professional and see each interaction with James as an exchange.
Oliver quickly realised that James wasn't personally targeting him; it was his preferred leadership style. Over time, Oliver and James developed a healthy respect for each other, but Oliver was always on guard. Oliver is still considering his options and seeking external Support from a Coach to help him with his existing situation and explore new opportunities elsewhere in the foreseeable future.
James hasn't changed and isn't planning to change his style. He wants results and wants to lead a team that delivers the best, even if he has to put his foot down. He appreciates his style isn't for everyone, but they know what they can do if they don't want to work for him.
Other Tips ❇️Avoid passive/aggressive behaviour ❇️Increase your self-care ❇️Journal ❇️Focus on what matters ❇️Don't take the stress home with you ❇️Think about your future career plans ❇️Think like an architect and avoid the firefighter mentality
Parting Comments
Dealing with a boss you don't like can test patience. Remember, it's not about you; your boss may have their reasons, whether it's insecurity or pressure from above. In James's case, he's carrying on with his leadership style and has no intention of changing. On the other hand, Oliver is engaging in self-awareness and hoping to understand what he wants and needs with the help of a Coach.
Work isn't supposed to be a holiday camp, nor is it supposed to feel like a chore. If faced with challenges, maintain your professionalism. Avoid office gossip, don't create an "us versus them" divide, and seek Support when needed.
If things escalate, HR is there for a reason. At home, leave work behind to avoid second-hand stress and prioritise self-care. If things still don't work out, get another job. Yes, you heard right, get another job. You don't have to put up with Anything that makes you unhappy.
Thank you for your attention.
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