Are these "5 facts about men who treats (treat) their birthday like a normal day." true?

I recently received a short video in which a young woman smiles into the camera. She has a knowing look on her face, but she doesn't say a word.

The text above her head says, "5 facts about men who treats (treat) their birthday like a normal day."

Well, I know why I received this video. I'm that guy. Very few people know my actual birthday, and those who do know, know I don't like to celebrate it. Needless to say, I was curious what "facts" this woman knew about me.

The facts

  • 1. They're used to doing life alone.

From childhood, nobody really sent (saw?)them or made a big deal

out of their special moments — so they learned

not to expect anything

I stopped celebrating my birthday at an early age. By 10, my birthday was just a day. Between trying to escape an abusive father and the day-to-day financial struggles, I didn't see a need or have a desire for some special day about me.

  • 2. They're naturally low-maintenance

Gifts, parties, noise — it's never been their

thing. Peace is their real celebration.

I've never been especially fond of large groups or loud noises. When I do receive gifts, I'm usually concerned about the burden placed on the gift giver or what they will want in return.

  • 3. They pour into others more than they receive.

They're the "strong one," the one everyone

calls… but when it's their turn, they don't want

to feel like a burden.

Ah, well, I just touched on this one a bit. I sometimes feel I was gifted with an emotional level capable of carrying the weight of everyone else. I rarely feel overwhelmed, and never like many of the people in my life. I'm really good at being there for others, and when they have so much going on in life, so many stressors, why would I add to that?

  • 4. They've learned to make themselves happy

A quiet meal, a prayer, a moment alone — it's enough.

They're used to creating their own joy.

I'm not sure which came first, the desire to create my own joy or the necessity to create my own joy. Either way, when people ask me what I want for my birthday, I tell them alone time.

  • 5. They measure life in progress, not dates. To

them, a new year is not about cake * it's about

whether they've grown, improved, or achieved.

Anyone who knows me knows how important growth is to me. I'm always trying to grow physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

So this sounds like me. It is pretty accurate, and for the most part, it is presented as a compliment. This is a good man. According to the woman's smile, this is the type of man to be desired and appreciated.

The comment section is full of men like me sharing their stories and appreciating the shoutout. So, why did I feel so off reading this?

Provide, protect, sacrifice, die

For better or worse, I play the traditional man role, and I enjoy it. It is outdated, and I encourage everyone to play the role that brings them joy, but there are still so many men like me.

I consider myself relatively aware, and I've spent many years studying masculinity and gender, but this short video clip with poor grammar sparked something in my mind.

Don't tell anyone, but I recently had a birthday. A close friend convinced me to go to dinner with her since I was turning 40. She knows I like to keep things lowkey, so I accepted the offer.

I allowed my friend to make the reservations and choose the restaurant, a nice steak restaurant that had been on my to-do list, but once we were there, I insisted on paying.

I know this sounds ridiculous, and I did plan on letting her pay, but once I was there, something deep in my brain just activated. I also knew she had recently wrecked her car and had to pay unexpected expenses. Still, she makes double my salary, so I knew she could afford it.

So, why didn't I just let her pay?

Socially, I was raised to be a man. My job is to provide, protect, and sometimes sacrifice, especially for good women. Society ingrained this into me. Most people would say my mama raised me right.

Truly, my brain screamed at me not to let her pay. Although she attempted to insist otherwise, and a little voice in my mind told me I was being silly, I couldn't quite shake it.

I trust my friend, yet receiving anything without a price raises my defenses. I think it was in some version of A Christmas Carol where I first heard the phrase, "A gift given is a debt owed."

Logically, I know I don't need to learn the same lessons as the flawed Scrooge, but subconsciously, why do I feel this way?

Chris Rock once said, "Only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally." Again, logically, I know this isn't true, but the world has taught me that no one loves me unless I'm meeting their conditions.

I started taking care of my mother financially by the time I was in my early teens. In high school and college, I usually worked just an hour short of full-time, and she would receive almost my entire paycheck even when I wasn't living with her.

Once I graduated, I attempted to take care of two households, and when I couldn't give her what she wanted, she stole from me.

If my mother couldn't love me once I stopped providing, once I had nothing left to sacrifice, why would anyone else?

The easy thing to do is to continue playing this role. The original post isn't wrong. I am low maintenance. I do enjoy my alone time.

However, when I can't even accept someone celebrating me in a low-key way, there is likely some healing that needs to be done, and I imagine I'm not the only one.

Dozens of men in the comment section felt so seen by this video, and again, it is presented in such a positive way. However, I challenge these men to acknowledge they are worthy of being celebrated.

This doesn't mean they need to pretend to enjoy something they don't, but let the people around you show appreciation. If you read those comments and felt something, you likely carry a ton of weight on your back. It is okay to sit it down every now and then, and accept the love around you.